Instead of drowning each other while screaming about money or sitting in deafening silence in the fear of talking about money. Let’s try this setting instead, we shall go on a date.

You and your partner gather around a delicious meal, and you’re playing your favourite Lo-Fi music on the side. Both of you look great, and to top it off there’s some light wine to soften the jitters you might be feeling. This might be the first time you’re doing this, so I thought I could help you out by putting down a “fun” checklisty-thing. (ok it may not be sooo fun, which is why we did up the setting SO much).

Appetizer: bring it on!

• What are the exciting things you want to do in the coming year?! – Talk about this with your partner, be honest, so there’s no room for miscommunication and misunderstanding. What do they think of your plans? What are their plans? What do you think of them? Can you support them? Do you think that’s a bad idea? Are you happy for them? Are you tired because they’re just like they were last year? Some examples of what this could look like to start with.
  • Oh I want to take up a dance class as a couple!
  • I want to join the gym
  • I want to visit France and take pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower!
  • I want to upgrade my car
  • I want to apply for a promotion
  • My job is killing me, I want to quit.
  • I’m planning to read one book a week at least!
• What’s your BIG vision for life? – Listen this is your spouse/partner you’re talking to. You should be able to share this and voice it out as honestly as possible. Discuss this at length, talk about how you plan to make it possible and what you’re looking for from your partner. Listen to your partner’s goals, see how you can help them achieve it. How do you strategise both your plans TOGETHER and ensure it’s a success? Some more examples, because I never tire of spoon-feeding.
  • I want to live in the country-side in ten years and take care of farm animals. I want a peaceful life away from the city.
  • I want to quit the corporate life and start something on my own. I want you to help with the finances during this time, because it’s likely I won’t make any money for a year or two.
  • I envision us to be a big happy family – I’m ready to take on the responsibilities that come with it.
  • I want to be really rich. I will become a C-suite executive in my company, and this is going to take a lot of effort. This would mean I have to sacrifice family time and focus all my effort on my career.

Drinks: Wine, with a side of…

• Where’s all our money going anyway? – What do you spend on every month? This maybe a little boring to talk about especially if it’s basic like… ‘oh come on, we spend on rent, groceries, blah blah, do we really need to talk about this?’ YES. That’s why we added wine into the mix. Because we are getting to, the guilty-spending. What is the thing you’re guilty of spending this month? This year? Ever? What are your regrets when it comes to money? What was a completely waste of money? What was surprisingly useful? What do you think about your partner’s spending habits? Speak up now, it’s the perfect opportunity.

• Now that you’ve had some liquid courage, it would be a great time to talk about DEBT – Especially if you have NEVER talked about this. Use this time to discuss all the debt-related dread that you have for yourself and for your partner. When do you think you’ll be rid of all of it? Or some of it? Are you planning on taking on more debt together? What does that look like for you both? What kind of career changes do you need to make in order to support the growing lifestyle along with the growing debt? Should you ask your partner to stop using the credit card all together? Do they seem to have a mounting credit card problem? Do you?

Main Course: the meaty bit

Ok so you’ve gone through your short term and long-term goals. You’ve talked about spending. What else is there?

• Do your goals have legs to stand on, financially? – If not, how are you going to make it happen. How much is this going to cost you? Say your husband wishes that the child/children to go to the best school possible, and you both know this is going to cost a bomb. How are you both going to make this happen? Is there a middle ground? Can they go to an above-average school for now, while you invest for the next decade to put them in the best possible college/university? Say your wife wishes desperately to quit her job in the next ten years and move to the country-side. Can you support this? Do you think ten years is too short a period? How do you need to plan your career and finance in order to make this happen? Is this even feasible?
• Time to calculate: your combined NET worth – I don’t know why people think only rich people do this. Everyone should do this. While you’re munching on that delicious meal, get a pen and paper and estimate (approximately) what you own and what you owe. Calculate the net worth. OK. Whatever the answer is. It’s all good. You both are on the right path toward melting away that debt or building wealth, or whatever it is you want to do with your money. It may be time to take a very serious look at making some budget cuts or, it may be time to rejoice with yet another glass of wine.
• Before we get to dessert. Let’s get some depressing topics out of the way – Do you both have term insurance? Have you added the nominee details on all your assets? What about other insurances, like medical insurance, accidental insurance etc.? What does your emergency fund look like?

Dessert: get some ice-cream!

• Retirement. What’s in store? – How much do you have saved up for retirement? How much do you contribute to it every month? What does the total look like? Should you plan for your parent’s retirement (check here for more info on that!). How long do you plan on working? Are you enrolled in any government schemes (read more about that here)

Was this a fun date?

Finally, look back at this date and see what you can add or subtract from it. Or perhaps even change it to suit your needs and circumstances. But do this activity every once in three months, just so you know where you stand. And this will also help address how your partner is feeling. If this wasn’t fun, then maybe figure out how to make it so? Get a small checklist and go through it quickly over the appetizers itself. The plan is to ensure both of you are on the same page regarding money and financial goals.

Any leftovers?

So what was missed? Did you not cover talking about how much you want to save every month? Or maybe you forgot to add your travel plans which are coming up next week. Catch up on all the things that you felt wasn’t covered and plan the next finance date now!