‘I want to live in my own house, my family has always rented and I really want to own property that I can call my own.’

‘No I don’t want to do that. I don’t believe in owning a home, we can put that money to good use by investing in it and the returns are far higher anyway. Plus renting gives us the flexibility to move around.’

‘But that rent amount is giving us nothing, we can at least use the toward an EMI and at the end of the journey, we will own a home. I really want to have my own place which I can call home, I’m not comfortable with renting forever.’

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It might be scary to have the above conversation after marriage because, your finances could be combined. How do you approach something like this when you both are on the extremes?

On one hand, one partner is thinking like your one-in-a-million rational investor. On the other hand you have one partner who is driven by emotions and sentiment. Rarely do we think about money rationally, there is always some point in our lives when our own psychology comes into picture and all the logic goes out the window.

What to do during such a time? Be strict with ourselves. Stay cold and calculated when you approach money? Nope, not always possible. Most of big money decisions come from the heart and are not always logical.

What we can do is try to reach a middle ground. Marriage and all relationships in general should be about getting the best of both worlds, not the most PERFECT answer but the one that suits you both optimally.

Perhaps instead of saying ‘No’ to your partner directly about not buying a home, you can talk about the plans you have for your money. Talk about the advantages of renting Vs Buying. Share some of the fears that you have around owning a property. It’s possible you are averse to debt, it’s possible that you fear taking on such a huge loan for an immovable asset which is difficult to sell.

For the partner that is looking to buy – Instead of talking only about how you feel, talk about the advantages of having a property as an investment and how you don’t have to worry about Rent and also the fear of being suddenly being evicted based on the whims of your landlord. Talk about the fact that it gives you a sense of grounding and a structure in your life. Tell your partner about how you might be feeling unsettled in a rented house and you’ll feel like your fundamental needs are met once you own a home.

There is no set template to have such conversations, but they do need to come from a place of understanding your partner’s needs, wants, and circumstances. Be open to having your ideas vetoed and don’t stick to your ideas too rigidly, you’re probably missing out on a collaborative idea that might enhance your life greatly.